You, Me, Homer Simpson and Hairfall

This subject is seemingly a touchy one for many. As most of my friends from Djan-uhumm to Anupam Kher face it, I couldnt think of a more apt post.

Ok, first of all, Hairfall is not for your grandpa any more. If you roam around a lot and you are observant enough (yeah people gone deaf with their Ipods on the street, Im talking to you), you'll see that a lot of men in their 20s and in some cases women, have not only a receeding hairline or a tonsure but a slick solar mirror on their head. Whom should you blame it on ? According to a recent research by Dr. Herschbinger, hairfall is a lifestyle disorder. He said " Achen Hairfallen uhn Hitlerishnan und fasten Audi". Renowned barberologist, Dr. Khurana, Sector 409, Noida in his technical paper has simply put it as, "Arey yeh firangi kuch bhi bolte hai, asal mein bahut zyada MOGAMBO KHUSH HUA bolne par baal jhadte hai".

But among the many reasons can be the use of chemicals like Ammonium Laurly Sulphate introduced for self-grooming since 1883 by Dmitri Mendelev in his smash hit TV show THE PERIODIC TABLE of ELEMENTS and continues till now in another smash hit show by LL Cool J feat Dr.Dre's YO MOMMA ("Yo momma is so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed).

But the question is, is hairfall or bald even funny ?

I remember as a kid watching TV variety shows and there was the occasional guy with the toupee caught in a windstorm whose hair would rise and fall like an airplane flap. And then the toupee would fall and it would be revealed that he had a wig on. That was kind of funny because you weren’t expecting it.

Then I started to wonder. Maybe bald jokes have a humor rating based on age rather than actual real comedic value. Maybe they are funny starting at age ten or so, and then have a shelf life that peters out right around college graduation. By then there are enough people we know and love who are losing their hair or going bald and we just pass it off as an “oh, well.” Then it maybe picks up around the 10-year high school reunion because it is funny that the soccer captain, Mr. He-Who-Had-Everything-In-College 's head who always had the best looking girls is now bald as a billiard cue. It just makes the rest of us who never suited up feel better that we finally have something he no longer does. So yeah, Baldiness is funny..

Now the math behind balding....

Advanced vector calculus proves that it is impossible to comb all hairs on a male human head in the same general direction, even with the application of copious quantities of superhold styling gel. As a result, there exists (at least) one point on every male human head of which the hair growing from out of all surrounding points spirals outwards. This particular point (technically termed a "bald spot" in advanced barberology) lacks hair, because the sun shines there without mercy, like in a lifeless desert. Therefore, all men possess (at least) one bald spot, especially Socrates.

Had you SEEN the American Election debates in 08-09 ? "Joe the Plumber"? Bald people are huuuuuuge!

The Balding Theorom was introduced by none other than the great scientist Mr. Homer Simpson. As of April 2006, Homer Simpson possesses three (and only three) hairs on his head. Also, Homer is bald (by definition).

So,

Let M3=Homer. If a man M(n+1) has one hair more than a man M(n) that is bald, then M(n+1) is also bald. Therefore, by induction through the infinitely many finite ordinals, all men with either the same amount of, or more hair than Homer (n>=3) are bald.

Unfortunately, this stunning and counterintuitive proof leaves a small number of cases left to consider, namely M(0),M(1) ,M(2) ,M(3) and M(infinity) . Since all men with hair have a bald spot (see above), it follows that a man with no hair has no bald spot. As a result, since M(0) has no hair, he himself also lacks a bald spot. Thus, M(0) is not bald. By induction through the finite ordinals less than 3, both M(1) and M(2) are also not bald, in spite of the fact that their comb-overs are totally lame and we laugh derisively at them.

However, we dare not laugh at M(infinity)'s comb over, because M(infinity) is God Almighty Himself, the Infinitely Hairy One who wouldst smite us for acting so wickedly.

So how can you keep Hairloss at bay ? Follow the following followable steps....

1.Keep your hair happy. A happy hair is like a friend forever. Arrange play dates with other hairs & brush your hair regularly to keep its self-esteem intact.

2.Dont take a lot of bath. Listen to Janis Joplin and Grateful Dead. Remember the Hippies ??

3.Hair title act, Clause 123.34

Hold meetings with your hair frequently. Have a sit down & make sure you know what they aren't happy with. Items on the agenda could include: Are the holes in your new hat up to Hair title act, Clause 123.34 standards & regulations? Have the new hairs in apartment 37 signed the tenant's agreement? Who is maintaining the vacant apartment's? Did your girlfriend intentionally give you crabs last week?

For more information, contact your nearest barbarologist.

Do you know this man ?

SUBJECT To STEREOTYPE : The AMERICAN SIXTEENER.

DISCLAIMER

Do Not Look For Logic\Rationality.

Hi there, Im Karen. Im a 16 year old American Girl living in New Jersey which is so close to the coolest city in the whole wide world. My friends like say that I'm not too smart by national standards but my mom says that I might be the brightest girl the whole of America might have had since George W. Bush(either jr. or sr.) and I might get the Nobell Prize for wittiness. Although the only thing I don't know is what Nobell is !

I totally know everything else, like totally. My knowledge is all-pervasive(most of my friends don't know what this word means, dorks they all are). I know quite a lot about politics, the economy, music\movies and arts in general.

You know, my boyfriend like told me that humping cheerleaders is in the American Constitution but I told him like WHATEVER. In-fact besides all words I know, Whatever is a tall favorite. Doesn't WHATEVER rule the world ? My favourite song coincidentally is also "Whatever" by Oasis. There's so much of depth in that word WHATEVER. I think even God used that W-Word during Genesis. Yeah, He did. He said Women, Men, Snakes, Apples, Sweet Happy, Sinful and Whatever in increasing order of importance. So here I've proven how much spiritual knowledge I contain. I am very spiritual. I pray everyday. Twice everyday. Thats because Big Brother(ooopsy ! GOD) is watching you. Im planning a trip to India to meet up with spiritual Gurooos.

Last year Obama won the Presidential Elections. That Hillary Clinton was so undeserving. Although she belonged to the Feminist Party of America, I did not quite like her International Affairs Policy in Bosnia. I mean, come on, like Bosnia is the breeding place of terrorists like Obssama-bin Laden. How can anyone be mild on them! How can anyone be mild on any terrorist unless they are of-course Irish !

This is the longest I've ever spoken so I need an Oreo-Break. But this Oreo thingy is adding some pounds to my otherwise beautiful skeleton, ewww :( . I think like Dr. Atkins didnt totally know what he was talking bout, like totally. 

Hey have you guys heard this band Paramore. If not then Tokio Hotel ? Or maybe you've heard Taylor Swift ? If you haven't heard either one of these, you have no idea what you are missing out on. Like they are the best band in the world after Beatles. I don't know much about Beatles but dad says that they were a hit during his era. Although dad liked Grateful Dead more and apparently while listening to Grateful Dead at some 'party' in 1969, he met my mom. And thats the reason Im so intelligent. But that guy from Jonas Brothers is such a dandy. I wish he were my boyfriend but hmm, he's not. He's sitting down all day playing some weird-ass game on his X-Box called Halo or something.

Oh how could i forget, the economy was in such a terrible shape for the past one year. Some people in New York Bank Street (Psst, I Love NYC) took gazallions and hazzalions of dollars from the national treasury and spent it on cars and condos. But the economy is out of the emergency room they say. All thanks to our great President Obama. He should win a Nobel Prize for Contribution to Economics. He should also win an Emmy for his inspirational campaign speeches.

Im proud to be an American because in America, we just have a simple way of looking at things. Thats why we are the best country in the world. Ill explain if you didn't get it. Psychologically speaking there are three states. The Good ,The Bad and The Awesomeeee with variations.

So,

Terrorists=Bad, Communists=Badder, Soccer=V V Bad, Football=Good, Hippies=Bad, Paris Hilton=Hot, USA Flag=Good, Mount Rushmore= Good, Jonas Brothers=Fuckin Awesomeeee, Gas Guzzling SUVs=Awesomeeee, IPod=Awesomeeee.

OMG! OMG! its 12AM. I have to sleep, otherwise my skin will go pale. [Prays] I love you Big Brother(oops! GOD) and grant me great sleep and protect me like forever and ever and ever. GN. And andddd GBA(God Bless America).