The O-Scare Awards

(The Oscar Awards before(1888) and after(2009))

So much hulla-bullo about The Oscars in divine abruption. And i know how everyone is wondering about it? Not the Oscars but the hulla-bullo. 

Alrighty, ill steer ya'll(American for 'you all') through the evolution of this subject.

Know all ya unbelievers that in the medieval celestial space in a time before the occurrence of time(1623 A.D) lived a man by the name of Oscar.He was a knight and rode his stallion by the name of Academy. This of course was the land of the queen-England [whose greatest contributions to the language of english were bollocks and shite]. The Oscar-Academy duo had become very popular by winning all equestrian events between 1623-1629.

But in 1888 an Irish by the name of Oscar Wilde (who was named Wilde because of his love for wild horses) created The Oscar Academy Awards for a binge-drinking contest in Ireland.

How this culture came to America is a matter of great huggermugger. The occult sciences dealing with the studies of THE OSCAR ACADEMY AWARDS is called Oscarology.

Slowly and slowly the study of this logy was championed by the Americans. Some notable scholars include Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Steven Spielberg &cetera. 

Since 1929,it was decided to say no to 'mass drinking' and dedicate awards to movie making and thus began the great American custom of 'Stereotyping'.

Suddenly,

1. All American Rich became anorexic. Others became obese.
   
2. Italians became MAFIA.
   
3. British were to have only one sense of humor,the Monty Python kind. 
   
4. Germans were to be anti-semitic.
5. Frenchmen don't work, maybe a 30-hour workweek or hire a few Algerians and Moroccans to do the work. Also Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.
   
6. Greece became the place where Men dance with other men, and break plates.
7. China seemed to have Contributed A LOT to the world-most notably, SARS.  AND Finally
8. INDIA was a land of the slums, hairy\smelly people. The type you can't sit beside on a 12 hour flight.

During the Cold War, the Red Carpet was conceptualized to condescend the Communists because communist flag color was red. Then the statuette was designed keeping in mind the history behind the OSCAR-ACADEMY equestrian duo. (see image-knight with dagger) Presenters in this ceremony crack subtle jokes.(Sarah Jessica Parker:Make-up artists are responsible for making us look good. Daniel Craig:Look at us. The Oscar audience:HAHAHAHA)

Based on the 8 stereotypes mentioned above, following awards have been given in the 81 year old history.

1. Paris Hilton for her industrious work in an erotica.(Anorexic American)
2. Some Corleone guy for being Godfather.(Italian\Sicilian\Corsican)
3. Winston Churchill for WWII.(Brit)
4. Adolf Hitler for Valkyrie.(Jew hating Germ)
5. Steve Martin for Pink Panther I and II.(Foolish French Policeman)
6. Brad Pitt for being Achilles in Troy which is not in Greece and neither is Pitt gay.
7. Jackie Chan for voicing the Monkey in Kung-fu Panda(Chinese)
8. Hmmmmmm.... Somedog is Millionaire.(Indian movie at Oscars,yes an Indian movie at an Oscar,pinch yourself to not feel surreal)
   

Who are these "judges"? Despite their secrecy and nondisclosure of details, they are actually normal guys sitting in a room together. They turn on the old big screen TV, get out the chips and beer, then sit and watch movie marathons together for days. It's really not that complex. At the end of the day, judges will discuss what they have seen in conversation, stating "yeah that was ok" or "I kind of liked that one, I guess." This leads to movies being nominated not for their inherent quality, but because nothing else was really worth watching that day.

"Plagiarists" - Oscar Wilde on Oscars

"You Plaigiarist bollock, ill pile you with shite" - Sir Oscar on Oscar Wilde.