FACE-HOOK !!

Year 2000 A.D. Day 4th Feb. A virus known as FaceWord was fabricated far far away from the earth. A surreptitious plot by aliens from the Orion Nebula to vandalize Earth activities. This virus was transmitted. When it injected itself in the Earth's Stratosphere, it expanded and came to be called FacePage. But this virus was to infect only the young.

In Earth there are three sub-species in the youth form of human beings.

• Homo sapiens geekonomous
• Homo sapiens dumbfuckonomous
• Homo sapiens normalia

Year 2004 A.D. Day 4th Feb. Commemorating 4th anniversary of the infection of FaceWord, the infected Homo sapiens geekonomous launched FaceBook(FB). The dumbfuckonomous followed since that is what they do best. So did the normalia since they didn't want to be left pariah.

So what is FaceBook ? Its simply a book with your face on it ! It was earlier showcased in James Bond movies where he slugs the bad-men with books. Yes that book was FB. The CIA used it at times too.

But with the advent of virus technology, the virus was also named FB for reasons yet to be found out.

(Image : Facebook in its primal form)

So this FB virus crept into the human society like a dashed maggot and sucked the intelligence out of its users ! It is said that an average FB user has an I.Q. ranging from 12 to 40 which is awesome if you are in Congo. So in the year 2009 its seen that your worth as a human being is determined by your FB account.

Even you can Make a FB Account if you are willing to do the following :

1. Ask yourself some questions... Am I a social outcast ?Am I a stalker ? If its a negative for these first two questions then ask-What is my I.Q ? 10-40 ? If Yes carry on ! No, then ask What job am i doing ? If the answer is none then goto step 2.
2. You qualify for the clammy world of FB so congratulate yourself !
3. Congratulate yourself again because you will be cool now with a repertoire of upto 10000 friends most of whom you have never seen in your life and never will.
4. So in the main page sprinkle some words about yourself ! This is the space where you can really fool others cos its only you who knows how much without a job you are.
5. Learn the art of making the batter by being a compulsive mis-speller(since you are cool now). So spell your ->ur, you ->u, like ->lyk, gay ->ghey.
6. Add to this the potion of a picture of your emo self shot at an impossible-to-duplicate angle with hair over your face.
7. The penultimate step would be to build a WALL which is a paradox. Walls are supposed to sever bonding but in FB, every thing's possible.
8. The Final Step - Ask your dad to earn doubly as much since Internet bills will peremptorily rise.
9. Another final step- Don't follow no grammer rules why bcuz grammur is ghey !! Also learn what LOL LMAO ROFL XO mean since these would be your new literary terms.

Now you are under the control of this virus. It has decided to feed on you unless your brain shrinks and it jumps to another prey. Now you can actually start off with your sinister designs. Yes, stalking women\men depending on your sexual orientation if you have any at all. Stalk him\her until he\she finally adds you as a friend. Then ask him\her out. Then he\she will stop talking to you if he\she is from the sub-species Homo sapiens normalia. Find someone else now. This process will run in an infinite loop until you look like Mark below(image) who is a typical FB affected teenager.

You have championed the skill of being the prey to the FB virus by now. Time to upgrade to another degree altogether. Ask friends to vote for you as the most adventurous person they have ever known. This will surely give Pirsig a run for his money. Also ask them to vote for you as the most handsome\gorgeous so that Megan Fox may die of condescension. Also the most intelligent so that if Einstein or Tesla were alive,they would have wished they never were.

Effects :

• FB has also been linked to the higher likelihood of the carrier developing patterned behavior of substance abuse, mostly related to alcohol and depression. Carriers of the FB gene spread their mutation by posting drunken pictures of themselves and others on the net in a process known as "tagging." FB has also been linked with several psycho-social conditions, including paranoia, schizophrenia, and listening to music after getting stoned.
• This virus is highly addictive so cigarette fumes will come out of your monitor because it was kept switched on for ur FBing for 975 days in the year.
• The University of Kwombowama had tested some strains of this dangerous virus to hypothesize it as benign. They are wrong as usual.
• Recession was caused by the FB virus. Its said that George Bush spent most of his time on Facebooking. I empathize with him. He just wanted to keep in touch with soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.(or wait, what does that have to do with recession ? )

Conclusively, you will be like Ron below(image) who was prey to the FB virus after 10 years of constant computer activity.

"Letz meate in the park outzide at midnight whn da wrlds sleepin" - Clinically depressed teenage stalker to the stalkee girl.

"Lolz, such a lame idea. But wtf ? Letz do ths ! " - typical Dumb stalkee girl with IQ of 29.