SUBJECT To STEREOTYPE : The AMERICAN SIXTEENER.

DISCLAIMER

Do Not Look For Logic\Rationality.

Hi there, Im Karen. Im a 16 year old American Girl living in New Jersey which is so close to the coolest city in the whole wide world. My friends like say that I'm not too smart by national standards but my mom says that I might be the brightest girl the whole of America might have had since George W. Bush(either jr. or sr.) and I might get the Nobell Prize for wittiness. Although the only thing I don't know is what Nobell is !

I totally know everything else, like totally. My knowledge is all-pervasive(most of my friends don't know what this word means, dorks they all are). I know quite a lot about politics, the economy, music\movies and arts in general.

You know, my boyfriend like told me that humping cheerleaders is in the American Constitution but I told him like WHATEVER. In-fact besides all words I know, Whatever is a tall favorite. Doesn't WHATEVER rule the world ? My favourite song coincidentally is also "Whatever" by Oasis. There's so much of depth in that word WHATEVER. I think even God used that W-Word during Genesis. Yeah, He did. He said Women, Men, Snakes, Apples, Sweet Happy, Sinful and Whatever in increasing order of importance. So here I've proven how much spiritual knowledge I contain. I am very spiritual. I pray everyday. Twice everyday. Thats because Big Brother(ooopsy ! GOD) is watching you. Im planning a trip to India to meet up with spiritual Gurooos.

Last year Obama won the Presidential Elections. That Hillary Clinton was so undeserving. Although she belonged to the Feminist Party of America, I did not quite like her International Affairs Policy in Bosnia. I mean, come on, like Bosnia is the breeding place of terrorists like Obssama-bin Laden. How can anyone be mild on them! How can anyone be mild on any terrorist unless they are of-course Irish !

This is the longest I've ever spoken so I need an Oreo-Break. But this Oreo thingy is adding some pounds to my otherwise beautiful skeleton, ewww :( . I think like Dr. Atkins didnt totally know what he was talking bout, like totally. 

Hey have you guys heard this band Paramore. If not then Tokio Hotel ? Or maybe you've heard Taylor Swift ? If you haven't heard either one of these, you have no idea what you are missing out on. Like they are the best band in the world after Beatles. I don't know much about Beatles but dad says that they were a hit during his era. Although dad liked Grateful Dead more and apparently while listening to Grateful Dead at some 'party' in 1969, he met my mom. And thats the reason Im so intelligent. But that guy from Jonas Brothers is such a dandy. I wish he were my boyfriend but hmm, he's not. He's sitting down all day playing some weird-ass game on his X-Box called Halo or something.

Oh how could i forget, the economy was in such a terrible shape for the past one year. Some people in New York Bank Street (Psst, I Love NYC) took gazallions and hazzalions of dollars from the national treasury and spent it on cars and condos. But the economy is out of the emergency room they say. All thanks to our great President Obama. He should win a Nobel Prize for Contribution to Economics. He should also win an Emmy for his inspirational campaign speeches.

Im proud to be an American because in America, we just have a simple way of looking at things. Thats why we are the best country in the world. Ill explain if you didn't get it. Psychologically speaking there are three states. The Good ,The Bad and The Awesomeeee with variations.

So,

Terrorists=Bad, Communists=Badder, Soccer=V V Bad, Football=Good, Hippies=Bad, Paris Hilton=Hot, USA Flag=Good, Mount Rushmore= Good, Jonas Brothers=Fuckin Awesomeeee, Gas Guzzling SUVs=Awesomeeee, IPod=Awesomeeee.

OMG! OMG! its 12AM. I have to sleep, otherwise my skin will go pale. [Prays] I love you Big Brother(oops! GOD) and grant me great sleep and protect me like forever and ever and ever. GN. And andddd GBA(God Bless America).

 

BAND-SCAM

Since the dawn of human-life on Earth, sounds\noises have played an important role. In caves, when they fornicated and made noises, adjacent cave-men understood that they were playing hit-and-run. As (wo)mankind evolved, we started banging instruments instead of ........... ! Music appeared and went mainstream.

Some greatest BANDS\SINGERS of all time !

ADOLF AND THE HITLERS : With their first album 'Mein Kamph', the success of this band became immesurable. They wore army uniforms for their stage performances. And killed rabbis in their audience with their guitars. Also they preached 98% racial purity and hoped that their fans were all Aryans. Towards their decline they had only 4 fans left whatsoever. Their smash hits include "Jump Nazi Jump","Mein Fuhrer","Achtung Semites".

PEARL NECKLACE JAM : This music keeps topping the charts even though under constant diss by critics. Although fans of the band have found it to be a good substitute to sleeping pills,vodka and a bullet to the brain. Greatest hits -> "We're NOTHING ! Man","Are We Still ALIVE ?, If Yes Then Why ?","Our Future is BLACK". There was another band of the same genre called NERDVANA but they were even more queer, dyslexic than the JAM so eventually NERDVANA too blurried out.

THE AYN RAND EXPERIENCE : This was a woman who was constantly flipped-out. She tried to sing her songs in English but then in the middle of her songs randomly switched to singing in arabic,somali,gujrati and latin. The songs were good to listen to but during concerts the english-comprehending audience left and only 7.325% of people stayed back till the end.Hits include "The DICKhead","No-one Shrugged" and "Ayn Rand or How to Stop Worrying and Love Man's Ego" .

IMAGE below AYN RAND who has reincarnated herself as MARILYN MANSON in the 21st Century.

U2 A GODFATHER? : This was the first gang under the hip-hop genre. The lead singer was Vito Corleone who kick assed with the first single "Keep Yo Fuckin' Enemies Closer". In concerts Vito used his refrain hip-hop loop "An Offa Yo Mothafucka' Can't Refu". But the band was dismantled since all lead singers were named Don Corleone.

THE BHTs : When elongated this gangsta-rap gang's called The Brief History of Time gang. The BHTs with MC STEPHEN HAWKING spinning the greatest hip-hop loops ever,made sounds to stun listeners. Although MC HAWKINGs CRIB was in Cambridge, he played only for crowds in US ! Its classics were "Black Holin' ", "We're the Big Bangers" !

PANIC! AT THE TITANIC : This is a a pop/faggot/butthole fingereing /fudge packing Liberal Democrat supporting band from Uganda,Africa. They are the only known band to make a "song" about closing doors a "hit".They are also notorious for POPping up too often when people are looking for disco music, although why people would be looking for disco music is anyone's guess. Know for having as many as 10 words in a song name. Even write discography as Disco! graphy. Songs include "Since I'm Too Emo To Get One; I Like Lying About Seeing A Girl Take Her Clothes Off ","The Only Difference Between A Ship And A Submarine Is That The Ship's Supposed To Float". Band should break off because they sunk the Titanic with their bad music.

THE WHO the HELL LISTENS TO KARL MARX : Pop band of gothic rock genre ??!. Whoever listened to his musical strumming became hardcore followers of the band. Now, over a quarters of the world population idolise him. The band follow-up was, Lenin on drums, Trotsky on the bass guitar, Stalin on leads and the man himself, KARL MARX on vocals ! Highlightable charting songs are "She hates Capitalists","Thank god,We're not Born In The U.S.A.","Bourgeoisie Lovers". IMAGE below=Joseph "MARIO" Stalin.

NUNS and MOSES : The earliest known rock band to human beings. Genre: Gospel Rock. MO aka Moses on drums, PRO aka Prophet Muhaammed on bass guitars, KAY aka Krishna on rhythm guitar, WEE aka Vishnu on lead guitar and JC aka Jesus Christ on vocals. This band has nearly 92% followers in the world as of today. The remaining 8% are hippies,atheists,insignificant ! Smash hits include "Sweet Holy Child Of Mine", "November Pray","No Sympathy for the Devil","Lets Knock on Heavens Doors".

ANTHRAX : This is the first band which is real on this list. WTF ! ? Shame on you for letting it exist. Why would you listen to them,they are probably helpers at some chemist shop. What could be their hit tracks ? "Give me Penicillin" ,"My Blood has more Crocin than RBC " ,"Who shot me Tetanus" !

*P.S. : Sorry I just snapped when this band name came to my mind*

GREEN GAY : The band enjoyed moderate success in the early '40s, with some nausea, itchiness, death, and diarrhea as a side effect. Their album Canadian Idiot was a smash hit. 57 people in the world liked it. The rest did'nt come to know of it. They tried their hand at singles including the hit one, "The Snails Are Comin" feat. rapper Alphabet U and Numeral 2. Their album up for release in 2009 is named 21st Century Breakdown but it is heavily prophesized that the magnetic tapes and LPs of this album would be burned and buried in ground and Green Gay will rename this album as Let's See What Other Generic Shit We Can Release.

PUNK FREUD : English progressive punk-psych-out band. Band consisted of punks who were soon going to be world leaders. Includes George W Bush, Prince Charles,Vladimir Putin.Discography includes "Wish You Were There in IRAQ", "The Mall not in Berlin,in Kabul", "Gummamummadumma-no-lumma", "We are Muddled", "A Saucerful of Things Known by Everyone", "Dark Side of The Balloon", and "The Final Nut".

THE BEATLESS : Lots of girls would throw their knickers at them on stage believe it or not. Nobody knows how they managed to get them off in the crowd. This musical phenomenon of the 1960s went on to release pop songs with success until the Sixties finished. And if you can remember the Sixties, you're a liar.

The members were four irreverent Liverpudlians, Paul MacArtrey, 'Dingo'Starfish, Hari Hari Georgeson, and John Lemmon. The massive success of the group was quite big, though musically they were consistently in the Shadows of Kerman's Kermits and the Dave Clunk Six. They are often seen as an Oasis spin off band, capturing similar looks to that of Noel Gallagher and Liam Gallagher.

The number of songs they wrote are equal to the number of stars in the Milky Way. Some of them are..........

"All You Need is Lunch" ," Help! My Appendix Just Burst" , "Revolution 5.21" , "Hard On's Night ", Lucy and This Guy With Lots Of Jewellery On" , "The Salad of John And Yokozuna".

Image below The Album cover of ABBEY ROAD aka MAC OSX DOCK .

Image above THE KILLERS. Short-lived attempt by George W. Bush, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler and Osama-Bin-Laden to cash in on the Indie\Alternative Rock scene. Super Success.

Its a New Point of View

It's always interesting to get another point of view on life. Some people try to gain that perspective through drugs. Some people try to get it through playing golf. Some people try to play golf while on drugs,even. Some also by watching sports they do not play !

So what is this POINT OF VIEW ?

It is abbreviated POV and is probably hiding in Pakistan. This point "seems" to be within our grasp in our field of vision but vanishes when we try to reach it. Thus the POV is sometimes called the vanishing point (oppossite of Vantage Point which is a movie). For example, two parallel tracks of rails seem to converge in a vanishing point or POV when observed and vertical objects like high-rises appear conical when observed. If we stare at the POV for long enough, the point becomes a blind spot. A blind spot isn't literally a blind spot in our field of vision but has something to do with rods and cones in our eyes (now this is a non-optical-meta-paradox or an non-optical-linguistic-paradox for it is a paradox within a paradox, namely: how can a spot be blind if it has no eyes to begin with? It does not exist; yet it's called a spot?).

People with POVs are said to be think tanks\intellectuals\powerhouses of knowledge\hippies\beatniks\probably you.

There are a lot of people in the world having claimed fame by merely having a POV. Among them number Picasso, Arundhuti Roy, Paris Hilton, Hippie Stinton, Steve Golfun,the British !

A few POVs have been discussed below.

• ULTRA-FEMINIST POV : This is difficult. It is difficult to see the female point of view for reasons that have more to do with social mores, morality, chastity, decorum etc. than any lack of corrective lenses. The female is always shielded by clothes and hides her body. Devoid of clothes and bodies, you will see that the female figure is parallel, as in 35-35-35, and you will then see the converging POV. If you stare at the POV for long enough, it will blind you, i.e. it will become a blind spot. If you stare any longer, it will turn into a G-Spot.(if you are a female reading this then it has to be your POV not to take offence, but damn, you will still have a POV.)

• BULLIED BOYs POV : He has been beaten a lot by his classmates and then repeatedly kicked in the groin. If this boy were to explain to his classmates that he were a POV hence would be a paradox, and therefore incapable of existing in the real world, their argument will collapse. Obviously they will still be capable of kicking him in the groin but the bullied boy will be able to revel in the knowledge that they had made a false assertion.

• OLD MANs POV : When I was born, i was very young.

• BENJAMIN BUTTONs POV : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH Old Man ! ROFLMAO !

• WINSTON CHURCHILLs POV : I have fucked every nation and every nationality !

• JOHN LENNONs POV : Imagine all the people, living life in peace !

• ADOLF HITLERs POV : Fuckche youn Lennonaich !!

• WOODY ALLENs POV : Ill introduce you to my wife but she is also my daughter !

• NEWTONs POV : Factor the denominators of the defractors of all your subjects and calculate the lowest common multiple (LCM) by viewing them through a prism. When your view is from a point of view that does not diffract light into an apple then you have the lowest common multiple of all the POV's.

• Even the REAR VIEW MIRROR in your car has a POV : Objects in the mirror may have a POV different than you see.

So im sure you too have a POV. Pls establish a POV. If you don't have a POV, you will not qualify for ranking in the list of afore-mentioned celebrities.

Ostrich on POV : You nincompoop, POV doesn mean POINT OF VIEW. It means PROUD OSTRICH VANITY.

image : Cartman-bin-Laden, has a POV.

FACE-HOOK !!

Year 2000 A.D. Day 4th Feb. A virus known as FaceWord was fabricated far far away from the earth. A surreptitious plot by aliens from the Orion Nebula to vandalize Earth activities. This virus was transmitted. When it injected itself in the Earth's Stratosphere, it expanded and came to be called FacePage. But this virus was to infect only the young.

In Earth there are three sub-species in the youth form of human beings.

• Homo sapiens geekonomous
• Homo sapiens dumbfuckonomous
• Homo sapiens normalia

Year 2004 A.D. Day 4th Feb. Commemorating 4th anniversary of the infection of FaceWord, the infected Homo sapiens geekonomous launched FaceBook(FB). The dumbfuckonomous followed since that is what they do best. So did the normalia since they didn't want to be left pariah.

So what is FaceBook ? Its simply a book with your face on it ! It was earlier showcased in James Bond movies where he slugs the bad-men with books. Yes that book was FB. The CIA used it at times too.

But with the advent of virus technology, the virus was also named FB for reasons yet to be found out.

(Image : Facebook in its primal form)

So this FB virus crept into the human society like a dashed maggot and sucked the intelligence out of its users ! It is said that an average FB user has an I.Q. ranging from 12 to 40 which is awesome if you are in Congo. So in the year 2009 its seen that your worth as a human being is determined by your FB account.

Even you can Make a FB Account if you are willing to do the following :

1. Ask yourself some questions... Am I a social outcast ?Am I a stalker ? If its a negative for these first two questions then ask-What is my I.Q ? 10-40 ? If Yes carry on ! No, then ask What job am i doing ? If the answer is none then goto step 2.
2. You qualify for the clammy world of FB so congratulate yourself !
3. Congratulate yourself again because you will be cool now with a repertoire of upto 10000 friends most of whom you have never seen in your life and never will.
4. So in the main page sprinkle some words about yourself ! This is the space where you can really fool others cos its only you who knows how much without a job you are.
5. Learn the art of making the batter by being a compulsive mis-speller(since you are cool now). So spell your ->ur, you ->u, like ->lyk, gay ->ghey.
6. Add to this the potion of a picture of your emo self shot at an impossible-to-duplicate angle with hair over your face.
7. The penultimate step would be to build a WALL which is a paradox. Walls are supposed to sever bonding but in FB, every thing's possible.
8. The Final Step - Ask your dad to earn doubly as much since Internet bills will peremptorily rise.
9. Another final step- Don't follow no grammer rules why bcuz grammur is ghey !! Also learn what LOL LMAO ROFL XO mean since these would be your new literary terms.

Now you are under the control of this virus. It has decided to feed on you unless your brain shrinks and it jumps to another prey. Now you can actually start off with your sinister designs. Yes, stalking women\men depending on your sexual orientation if you have any at all. Stalk him\her until he\she finally adds you as a friend. Then ask him\her out. Then he\she will stop talking to you if he\she is from the sub-species Homo sapiens normalia. Find someone else now. This process will run in an infinite loop until you look like Mark below(image) who is a typical FB affected teenager.

You have championed the skill of being the prey to the FB virus by now. Time to upgrade to another degree altogether. Ask friends to vote for you as the most adventurous person they have ever known. This will surely give Pirsig a run for his money. Also ask them to vote for you as the most handsome\gorgeous so that Megan Fox may die of condescension. Also the most intelligent so that if Einstein or Tesla were alive,they would have wished they never were.

Effects :

• FB has also been linked to the higher likelihood of the carrier developing patterned behavior of substance abuse, mostly related to alcohol and depression. Carriers of the FB gene spread their mutation by posting drunken pictures of themselves and others on the net in a process known as "tagging." FB has also been linked with several psycho-social conditions, including paranoia, schizophrenia, and listening to music after getting stoned.
• This virus is highly addictive so cigarette fumes will come out of your monitor because it was kept switched on for ur FBing for 975 days in the year.
• The University of Kwombowama had tested some strains of this dangerous virus to hypothesize it as benign. They are wrong as usual.
• Recession was caused by the FB virus. Its said that George Bush spent most of his time on Facebooking. I empathize with him. He just wanted to keep in touch with soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.(or wait, what does that have to do with recession ? )

Conclusively, you will be like Ron below(image) who was prey to the FB virus after 10 years of constant computer activity.

"Letz meate in the park outzide at midnight whn da wrlds sleepin" - Clinically depressed teenage stalker to the stalkee girl.

"Lolz, such a lame idea. But wtf ? Letz do ths ! " - typical Dumb stalkee girl with IQ of 29.

Everybody's Somebody's Fool

(image-UP-how EVERYBODY Cared about the man on moon

DOWN-how NOBODY Cared about man on moon )

The title annunciates this blog-post to be a Connie Francis song. Quite not so. Patience will permit you to either understand the post or it may choose to take a detour. So i suggest popping in the patience pill to the extent of declension.

Aspect 1 : I'm EVERYBODY. You,who are reading it is, EVERYBODY. I care about a lot of things,so do you and hence EVERYBODY CARES. And with such a not-so-platitudinal preamble let me also add that our society (esp. in India) is also EVERYBODY.

Aspect 2 : So what could EVERYBODY CARES mean ? EVERYBODY CARES is a term given to a recent socio-political trend called neo-bathos. This term is truly befuddling. Bathos means a change from a serious subject to a ridiculous one. This term is coined by academicians in India who in a generic sense are normal human beings but make a superior rectitution of themselves plainly because of their knowledge of English in a country where only 30% people know this language. This gives them the liberty to do a lot of things. E.G

• Forcefully portray their not so reqd. opinions on talk shows.
• Write books.
• Become unique English speaking Politicians.
• Become Marketing Execs (as nefarious as Politicians).

Aspect 3 : This brings us to the peak of the discussion. What should EVERYBODY CARE about ???

• Baburam Bhattarai, Nepal's finance minister has 5000 friends on Facebook.
• Manmohan Singh doesn't have even half the number.
• Slumdog Millionaire is ,India portrayed badly, by a foreign filmaker.
• Chandni Chowk to China-the movie said Buddha was born in India.
• Madonna is divorced yet again.

Aspect 4 : Opposite of Neo-Bathos is Neo-Apathy. Also called NOBODY CARES. Its a much more complicated branch of studies often learned by hippies.

Aspect 5 : Some Real Life Examples of NEO-BATHOCISM.

Traditional Marketing :

"Your floors will shine like new with the new Harpic solution."

Neo-bathocistic Marketing :

"Your home is in constant danger from flooding, tornadoes, radon gas, faulty wiring, international terrorism, and dangerously scuffed-up vinyl flooring. Don't let your family die a horrible, meaningless death! Use NEW HARPIC Soln."

Citizen of a Country:

"Its utterly hopeless to send our sons and daughters to the war where they are going to die a meaningless death."

Neo-bathocistic Politician:

"Nobody cares what these idiots are saying. It's time for us to stop listening to these whiners and start having more sons and daughters, so we can send them into more places where their glorious deaths will help us rake in more cash. Uh, in the name of peace and freedom."

Aspect 5 : Terminologies within EVERYBODY CARES

• Reaction to Importance Ratio-The response to an important or unimportant situation. The more this figure is, the greater probability that you are an Indian.
• Trash Talk to Knowledge ratio-Same as above.

Aspect 6 : Quotes

"We Care !! " - Everybody on caring

"No, no, Listen here ! We Care a lot more than you do !! " - Nobody on Everybody

United States of Money

(image:Money Laundering also Money alongside MJ)

Today i just came back home with the most frustrating of all emotions-well, Frustration. I was so impoverished as to not sit back for another drink with friends. This is apt timing for me to write about the most mulled over topic of all time since the inception of mother Earth or let's just say since the U.S of A ! MONEY !!

The flourishing era of money can be dated back to long long time ago before this long long time ago. On earth emerged a sub-species of Homo sapiens called Homo greedus. This species soon collected in hordes and formed clubs called 'INCorporations' or INCs. These INCs started foraging lands and reaping money in 'rich' soils. Contrary to the belief, money can be grown. It was grown in America during the 1940s till 2002 but some guy called Mr. Bush soiled the rich soil there. Also Japan and China have proven that money can be reaped on their soil without doing much.

Believers in money are deeply religious — they serve their money-god with all of their effort and strength, and often sacrifice the majority of their life as an offering to gain its approval. They believe that this will bring them pleasure and happiness in the afterlife, and more attractive to the opposite sex, or whatever sex it is they want to be attractive to. Their faith is absolute, and they believe that there is nothing money can't do.

Non-believers in money are generally hippies. They are foolish enough not to understand that their clinginess to their supposed 'flower power' can be achieved only through money.

Being moneyless can kill you. Suppose i have lot of money but you don't. You will cry and i will point at you and laugh. You would then go to a nearby cliff to jump off. Thus you will die.

Money was originally a form a food. Money is eaten in restaurants. Its yummier than food. Although, it is very nutritious it is not tasty. economists have estimated that by next year the US will be using Broccoli as currency owing to the recent recession.

Some currency types are Almighty Dollar, Russian BOOBle, Chinese Youang and Japanese Yin, Italian Breadstick, French kiss.

WHAT MONEY CAN BUY !!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

• A planet. Also Moon.
• A Wife probably.
• Love ( *grimace* at the Beatles )
• IPod
• The World Bank ?
• Not too sure about Paris Hilton.
• Of course a lot of happiness.
• Guns.
• Big Guns.
• Really Big Guns.
• Really Really Big guns.

WHAT MONEY CAN'T BUY !?!?!?!?!

• A country.
• Humor.
• Facebook.
• Scarlett Johansson
• Internet.
• Dinosaur.
• Poverty.
• Everlasting acid trip with Alice in her Wonderland.
• 50 Cent.

"I Don' Like Americans, but I Like American Money " - Alfred Hitchcock's TOPAZ

(image:Currency Proposed by George Lucas when he became rich)

The O-Scare Awards

(The Oscar Awards before(1888) and after(2009))

So much hulla-bullo about The Oscars in divine abruption. And i know how everyone is wondering about it? Not the Oscars but the hulla-bullo. 

Alrighty, ill steer ya'll(American for 'you all') through the evolution of this subject.

Know all ya unbelievers that in the medieval celestial space in a time before the occurrence of time(1623 A.D) lived a man by the name of Oscar.He was a knight and rode his stallion by the name of Academy. This of course was the land of the queen-England [whose greatest contributions to the language of english were bollocks and shite]. The Oscar-Academy duo had become very popular by winning all equestrian events between 1623-1629.

But in 1888 an Irish by the name of Oscar Wilde (who was named Wilde because of his love for wild horses) created The Oscar Academy Awards for a binge-drinking contest in Ireland.

How this culture came to America is a matter of great huggermugger. The occult sciences dealing with the studies of THE OSCAR ACADEMY AWARDS is called Oscarology.

Slowly and slowly the study of this logy was championed by the Americans. Some notable scholars include Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Steven Spielberg &cetera. 

Since 1929,it was decided to say no to 'mass drinking' and dedicate awards to movie making and thus began the great American custom of 'Stereotyping'.

Suddenly,

1. All American Rich became anorexic. Others became obese.
   
2. Italians became MAFIA.
   
3. British were to have only one sense of humor,the Monty Python kind. 
   
4. Germans were to be anti-semitic.
5. Frenchmen don't work, maybe a 30-hour workweek or hire a few Algerians and Moroccans to do the work. Also Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.
   
6. Greece became the place where Men dance with other men, and break plates.
7. China seemed to have Contributed A LOT to the world-most notably, SARS.  AND Finally
8. INDIA was a land of the slums, hairy\smelly people. The type you can't sit beside on a 12 hour flight.

During the Cold War, the Red Carpet was conceptualized to condescend the Communists because communist flag color was red. Then the statuette was designed keeping in mind the history behind the OSCAR-ACADEMY equestrian duo. (see image-knight with dagger) Presenters in this ceremony crack subtle jokes.(Sarah Jessica Parker:Make-up artists are responsible for making us look good. Daniel Craig:Look at us. The Oscar audience:HAHAHAHA)

Based on the 8 stereotypes mentioned above, following awards have been given in the 81 year old history.

1. Paris Hilton for her industrious work in an erotica.(Anorexic American)
2. Some Corleone guy for being Godfather.(Italian\Sicilian\Corsican)
3. Winston Churchill for WWII.(Brit)
4. Adolf Hitler for Valkyrie.(Jew hating Germ)
5. Steve Martin for Pink Panther I and II.(Foolish French Policeman)
6. Brad Pitt for being Achilles in Troy which is not in Greece and neither is Pitt gay.
7. Jackie Chan for voicing the Monkey in Kung-fu Panda(Chinese)
8. Hmmmmmm.... Somedog is Millionaire.(Indian movie at Oscars,yes an Indian movie at an Oscar,pinch yourself to not feel surreal)
   

Who are these "judges"? Despite their secrecy and nondisclosure of details, they are actually normal guys sitting in a room together. They turn on the old big screen TV, get out the chips and beer, then sit and watch movie marathons together for days. It's really not that complex. At the end of the day, judges will discuss what they have seen in conversation, stating "yeah that was ok" or "I kind of liked that one, I guess." This leads to movies being nominated not for their inherent quality, but because nothing else was really worth watching that day.

"Plagiarists" - Oscar Wilde on Oscars

"You Plaigiarist bollock, ill pile you with shite" - Sir Oscar on Oscar Wilde.

The History of Reading

When i speak of Books ,what comes to my mind ? EATING ! No,READING ! But these two verbs can be often confused, just the same way i confused them during the nomenclature of my blog. So while i still eat and hog, you may read. You are Reading now. This paragraph. Congratulations! You are a master of this skill.

 

Collocating with skill, I'll say Reading is an ART form. It was mastered by Morse (i guess he is a person) in the form of Morse Codes during the Jurassic Age to confuse Dinosaurs since they were a superior living form to Homo sapiens. The Dinosaurs read these codes on cave walls and got baffled and subsequently started eating Homos (also called humans,thus inventing heterosexual sex) and went extinct since they couldn't digest those hairy smelly humans. It was proved a lot later that some meteorite struck the Earth and wiped out Dinosaurs which is a conspiracy theory.

(see image=two American Gals {probably Marilyn Monroe and her cheap replica} Reading Morse Codes also  MORSE CODE FOR Reading -> --/-*/-/--*-*//-/-**//*-*-//*-)

There are certain conditions under which you can read :

• Light - Provided by the sun or moon in olden times so people fornicated more than read. Then Edison screwed up this world and reading became mandatory business.
• Money - Its not necessary to have money to read since you can always steal books. But you always run the risk of carrying others' views and bringing the world closer to the brink of apocalypse.

Reading doesn't lead to anything of purport. Reading helps you attain a lot of knowledge, which empowers you. Then this thing called Power corrupts and wise men say corruption is a crime. The local police station, Osama and George Bush will tell you crime doesn't pay. And the aforementioned avowals must have conveyed to you that Reading will indeed make you poor.(are you still thinking what avowals mean ? )

Some side affects of reading may be paranoia, dysentery, nonconformism, superiority complex and not wanting to earn money. 

The success rate of reading is 99% i.e. in every 100 people who try to read 99 succeed. In the 1% come blind people, Pakistanis, Taliban. Some people read over and over again but can't speak correctly what they read ( bingo George Bush in USA, Brad Pitt in Snatch and King Leonidas in 300 ).

" Of course I know how to reed " - George Bush in 'Children Must Reed' campagne

Books and Steve 'Job's

I was shodded when my very imbecile friends were imbrogliod by my use of queen's english ,which hardly had anything to do with the queen. And now i feel im one up on them so i invented these new words (see 'imbrogliod' and 'shodded') cos i strongly feel there is a little bit of James Joyce in all of us.

And what else could James Joyce remind me of-yes geniuses, BOOKS. So i thought about a book review which again is too cliched , so i thought why not write a book review on BOOKS.....

Books are a collection of pages, made of paper, which have words on them. They can be confused with sandwiches as both are made of layers except that books are inedible. However they became mortally obsolete towards the end of the 20th century with the invasion of television and computers, however some still write them for unknown reasons.

With the exodus of books from peoples lives, they were introduced to students through grim institutions called schools where they were (and still are) used as a source of torture. Then they were dispatched as Dictionaries to eminent personalities like George W. Bush, Paris Hilton and many others around the world. Other uses of books are as caps for your head when it rains or burn them to heat up yourselves in cold days or cook bbqs.

The natural habitat for most books are some cagey reticent establishments called 'Library'.(see Picture) No sane person goes to this place unless dragged by his girlfriend. Some are said to have lost their sanity while being in libraries and have thus killed themselves or others. Some have taken ill care of themselves and these Homo sapiens came under the sub-species known as  'Scientists'. This class has thus deferred itself of a lot of money and sex.

The grim demise of books will soon herald because of books itself. I'll explain how (so do not not undetatch yourself yet).

Some wise man wrote in one of his books " Don't Judge a Book By its Cover ". Had this been followed, there would not have been such an early departure for them. But then in the year 1997 AD some author wrote the book "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone" (see image) and didn't stop at one. He\She kept on ruining the already rotting class of books for the next 10 yrs. Her revolution was caught on with renewed vigor by a cartel called GOOGLE which started digitizing books. Thus books will soon be annihilated and the various uses that books came to mankind will no longer exist.

"It doesn’t matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don’t read anymore,” - Steve Jobs on books.

                                            

Bauwaji'ism'

"With the abrupt end of the previous blog-post comes a more sensible continuing link to the next ."

This quote was by the very humble great Sharad Subramaniam. Never heard of this personality ? Just look for this really awesome one in About Me.

Speaking of more serious issues, which are none, ill waddle into the essence of this craquelure blog-post. What scotch is to Scotland,vodka to Russia,beer to Germany is the inoffensive Tea to India. And to me tea means what the Bible to the padre,the moon to an astronaut,the valentines day to a lover does.(note the sly use of metaphor in this excerpt like paradoxes in the previous one)

Sitting at a nondescript tea stall in my hometown,inhaling more passive smoke than active,my attention is suddenly turned to a very blasphemous word-sodomy. Spoken probably very aptly by one of the other fellow consumers at the stall ! And then the very next moment my head swivels to another corner of the shade prone shanty-chair where a group of people are discussing war options with Pakistan ,who,I'm sure,have encountered war-like scenarios via Picasso's Guernica or better still the Bolly movie Border.

Contracting my cognizance to my own group of circularly seated friend's, I absorb pontifications of atypical 21 year olds. And by this time I probably have conveyed to you the missing link behind the previous post about which i had emblazoned in the start of this one,yes :OCCUPATION. 

I Ultimately Found the means to Occupation. 

1. Sipping Tea. 
2. Discussing 'Obam'ese policies .
   
3. Snarl at stray cows and dogs and mock them at their unemployment.
4. Planning a trip to Manali which we don't see ourselves going to within the next year at least.
5. How to get rich soon enough to get ourselves Porches and Mercedes ?
6. Algorithmise going to Work.

"Satire is a kind of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own." - Jonathan Swift ( lol raised to the power of lol )

And then the 7th and the final point. Should we occupy ourselves at this place even tomorrow .

ParaCocks

The Day previous to today when i wrote a piece of prose or something, was four years ago for creative composition in the boards. And honest injun i never much developed any intimate doting for it. What a paradox that its the sole medium that has chosen me in the most uneasy of emotions- " UNEMPLOYMENT in the face of EMPLOYMENT ". And as i put you in the throes of confronting yet another paradox (i just searched the thesaurus for a synonym of paradox to avoid the refrain, no good !) , i cannot be more delighted to find another JOBLESS friend ,and if you are he\she and\or you have stumbled upon this blog, i see a great consoler in you.

This should ideally count as my maiden post but its not(no it is and I don't have a frantic alter ego) .So i expect you to hang around for a while.

And I'm dying to quote someone :

"The secret to misery is having the leisure to think if you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation."- George Bernard Shaw